I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
