I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
