i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
