I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
