I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize