Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
