Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He kissed a someone with a penis
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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