Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
my poor anus
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
