Pregnant stripper...not hot.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
