Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
