I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
