Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Randomize
