Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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