LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I deserve this hangover.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
