Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
