I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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