Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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