Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
