we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
