That's intense
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
