im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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