yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
