11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
