i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
