The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
