i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
