I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
