I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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