is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
