A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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