i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
