o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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