I accidentally burped into my bong.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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