Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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