she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
