Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
