I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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