# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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