just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
