we have officially lost it.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Randomize
