I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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