Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
