just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
