since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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