So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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