I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
