Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
