just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Itβs the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize