It's like God shit irony all over that family
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
