I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
