I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
