It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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