Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
