As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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