Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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