today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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