Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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