i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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