my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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