So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
