Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
