the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Terrible idea I love it
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
