turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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