WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
