Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
