never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
