I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
