also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
