Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
