I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
