do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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