How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
