wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
