His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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