John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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