what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
