I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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