I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
