i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
