i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
