New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
