apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
