Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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