You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize