I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
