i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
worst night to have a conscience
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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