The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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