So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
