i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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