dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
worst night to have a conscience
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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