An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
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