you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
